Those involved in the area of emotional and mental problems
are exposed to all kinds of disturbances and difficulties
with which people must cope. Most problems may be completely
resolved, or at least to a significant degree. But the most
serious problem, according to all opinions, is manifested by
a person who either does not recognize his problems or is
unwilling to treat them under any circumstances.
One of the gedolei Yisroel once told me that many
punishments are meted out to man in this world. But
sometimes, there is an additional punishment: one that seems
to be minuscule, but makes the suffering of the individual
total and irresolvable. He was referring, of course, to
punishment in the form of a stubborn mindset that causes a
person to refuse all attempts to help him.
People give various reasons for their unwillingness to
receive treatment. The most striking reason is that they are
unprepared to admit that a problem exists. They insist that
the problem lies in their environment, in which case, there
is no reason to seek treatment.
Sometimes a person despairs of himself and has no strength to
help himself. If he is left with a vestige of strength, he
uses it to battle those who want to help him or would want to
if given a chance.
Some people do understand that the problem lies within
themselves. But although they desperately want to emerge from
it, they suffer so much and are so torn inside, that they
don't believe that anyone would ever be able to understand
them.
Others are simply ashamed and emotionally incapable of being
treated. They are ashamed to face a therapist: ashamed in
front of their families and ashamed of themselves. They
prefer emotional suffering over the imaginary suffering
supposedly caused by the humiliation they might feel by
admitting the need for help.
No one who is physically ill ever has a problem admitting
that he is sick and then requesting help. Because physical
illness can be seen and even assessed, one's close as well as
distant environment accords the treatment legitimacy. The
sick person receives backing and encouragement from family
members and friends. From an emotional standpoint, he merits
attention and support that help him and imbue him with
strength and happiness.
Emotional problems are by nature different than physical
problems. In general, it is impossible to see them or to
guess that they exist (at least not in the incipient stages).
When external symptoms appear (depression, outbursts,
concentration on oneself without consideration of one's
surroundings), society judges the sufferer harshly. People
tend to see the obvious. When a person doesn't make efforts
in his studies or his work, behaves in an unsuitable manner,
disseminates an ambience of sadness and depression, and worst
of all, bursts out at his fellow who hasn't done anything to
him, people aren't particularly motivated to help him.
Perhaps in the beginning they try to calm him and to persuade
him, in a logical way, that his behavior isn't acceptable.
Later come the sanctions: ignoring, hurting, accusing,
ostracizing and presenting him as a disgusting, monstrous
creature.
In the opinion of those involved in the field of emotional
and mental problems, as well as according to simple logic,
most emotional problems begin with insignificant things. Were
they to have been taken care of in a timely manner, they
wouldn't have developed. But unlike physical problems (when
every cough causes you to sprint to Kupat Cholim, where you
try to cough as much as possible so that everyone will know
what's wrong with you), as far as emotional problems are
concerned, the opposite takes place. You and your social
circle try to consider all possibilities: except for the
possibility that a problem exists. True, there are also
doctors for emotional problems, and in general, such a person
doesn't even have to be a doctor. In the beginning it is
enough to take counsel with an intelligent person who
understands enough about the human soul to encourage the
sufferer to share his worries. A doctor comes into the
picture when the soul is really unwell. But the lack of a man
and his social circle's ability to admit to the existence of
a mental problem and to overcome the shame and go ahead and
treat it, brings people and entire families to a bottomless
pit.
What hurts is that these things generally begin from
something insignificant.
A child who is going downhill in his studies who receives
help in the scholastic area and encouragement from his
surroundings can be set on course after a few months: at the
most, by the following school year.
However, a child who is not treated -- or worse than that, is
treated harshly -- will continue to decline in the coming
years and will develop an inferiority complex. He will lose
interest in his studies because he has grown accustomed to
failure, and one who has no interest in studying cannot
acclimate to a regular study framework.
Take a boy whose parents haven't shown an interest in him
since elementary school (let us suppose, justifiably) and who
is a social outcast: how long can a normal person endure
under such circumstances? How long will it take him to
develop a broad range of psychological and even psychiatric
problems? A year? Two? Five?
Often, the sudden decline of a young man -- and even a
serious outburst -- constitutes a yeridoh letsorech
aliyoh. It causes society to recognize that the boy has a
problem and needs help. The more the problem is hidden, the
more difficult it becomes, while the sufferer becomes less
prepared to recognize it and to accept help from others. Even
if in the end he agrees to accept help, the formidable stone
barrier he built around himself over the years makes it very
difficult to reach him.
In order to help a child or a youngster who displays signs of
distress, there is no need to turn to a psychologist. At
times, the very act of turning to a psychologist lowers the
sufferer's morale and creates another problem. It is enough
to turn to groups and people known for their ability to
extend emotional help. They will offer a broad spectrum of
solutions for help in a manner that will neither damage the
sufferer's self esteem nor hurt his feelings. This help can
be offered by means of tutors or educational advisors, or by
means of a person whom the youngster admires and to whom he
feels close, or even by means of a psychologist who is not
defined as such. Experience proves that when a person is
emotionally prepared to accept help, he can be led
judiciously to the type of help he needs: by a display of
friendship and trust, not offending him.
